It’s Saturday night. Rachel and I were finishing up with shopping when my mom called. She asked what we were doing for supper… we said “Nothin�, so we invited her to Applebee’s.
Remember, this is Saturday night, so it’s a pretty crowded place. Half the people there are probably drunk. This is an atmosphere that can be ripe for a fight.
We are taken to a booth in the back corner of the restaurant. I noticed as I sat down that the backrest on the booth was very loose and I was careful not to press my back into it too hard, because obviously I would’ve pissed off the people behind me.
As we are sitting there eating our delicious meal, we keep getting launched forward, as the people just behind us kept pressing hard against the backrest. Rachel and I get more and more frustrated. Finally Rach turns around and says, “Hey buddy, we’re trying to eat our food here, can you knock that off?�
The guy says some cocky-ass comment and turns back around. He seemed to me to be mad about something, he seemed very irritated. I noticed he was probably about my age, and he was wearing some preppy baseball cap. We can overhear him badmouthing us, and of course he must have been in the right. No way should we have asked someone to stop pressing their back as hard as they could into the backrest! God that was just rude of us (Have you caught on to my sarcasm, cause I’m laying it on pretty thick).
Finally, the cocky punk-ass college kid wearing the preppy baseball cap, continues to throw his back into the backrest. I get fed up with it and I throw my back into the backrest, while doing so I let out a loud “Ah hem!� So what does he do? He does it right back, and imitates my “Ah hem�.
I turn around, at this point infuriated, and say, “What the hell is your problem?� He avoids the question and instead asks back, “Are we gonna have problems? Do you want to get your ass kicked, you little pussy? Let’s take this outside.� I semi-ignored him, knowing that he wasn’t worth it. I just turned around and continued eating my meal.
At some point, I had to adjust my butt so I could sit upright. In doing so, I accidentally pushed the backrest to their side. He turns around to me and says, “What the fuck? You little pussy…. let’s take this shit outside, right now!� He kept blabbing his little mouth and I said something back like, “We’re in a restaurant here, have some manners.� He wouldn’t shut up, so I hit the baseball cap off his head.
That really set him off. He jumped over the bench, wound up for a punch, and then suddenly decided to wrap his hands around my neck. As he was choking me, Rachel grabbed him by his arm to try to get him off me. I just sat there, waiting for the punch because I thought it would be funny to see him go to jail. As soon as he started choking me, my mom jumped up from the table and grabbed him by his shirt and threw him off of me.
You have to understand my mom to understand how hilarious this was. She is basically going to be declared a saint when she dies. She attends church atleast 3 times per week and she is extremely patient. She just doesn’t like it when other people touch her children.
She said, “Get your hands off him. We are in a restaurant trying to eat. If you don’t calm down, I’m going to talk to the manager.�
The cocky punk-ass college kid now not wearing the preppy baseball cap responded, “OK grandma, what are you gonna do? Go get the manager then, fine.�
My mom sat back down, shocked that she was just disrespected by a “I’ve got the world by the tail� idiot who thinks he can pick fights with whoever he wants, and then talk down to someone twice his age.
He turns to me afterward and says, “Oh, so you have to let your mom save ya?� I responded, “I didn’t tell her to do anything. It appears to me, that if you mess with me, you mess with my family.�
Minutes later, I had to get my wallet out of my back pocket. Scared to death of being strangled for getting my wallet out and accidentally moving the backrest, I got out of the booth and took out my wallet. As I stood up, the cocky punk-ass college kid wearing a preppy baseball cap got up too. He bumped into me with his shoulder, and walked out of the restaurant. As he walked away I said, “Wow, real tough guy.�
Never once did an Applebee’s employee come up to me and ask what was going on. Never once did any customer there get up to try to break things up. To me, that was very odd. Two employees sat there are watched what was happening and never did a thing.
What has the world come to? We live in a world where you have to be frightened to sit down and eat a meal because you fear that someone might strangle you. We live in a world where people no longer help break up fights, they just sit and watch for entertainment. We live in a world where young people pretend to be superior to people twice their age if not more. Hopefully you all learned something from this story, cause I sure did.
I learned that you should never hit the baseball cap off of someone who needs to be shut up. I was not right in doing that, but damn it felt good.
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Just Daddy 