Bringing a boy into a troubling world…

I think we all have to agree… terrorists are pussies. They hide and they run. They live in the shadows because they know they will get crushed if they are found. But regardless of how pussy they are, they still rest at the back of my mind. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and frankly I’m scared. I am very excited to be having a brand new boy in June, but at the same time I am very scared.

Why, you ask? I think our world is very, very troubling. Think about it: cancer, terrorists, war, disease, suicide, tragic car accidents. I don’t think anyone thinks about this until they actually bring new life into this world. It is very hard to justify bringing such an innocent child into such a harsh reality.

On the flipside of that, the world really is a wonderful place. I mean there’s candy, movies, happy times, teenage mutant ninja turtles, superheroes, and so on. Not to mention all the fun times I’ll have playing with our boy. Babies themselves make this world a wonderful place. They’re just so innocent and happy.
So I look at it as sort of a bargain. When you bargain, you are getting something you want, but at the same time you are getting something you don’t want. I definitely want a new boy, but at the same time I don’t want him to be exposed to all the violence and fear and death in our world. Eventually, I will probably realize that all the good times we have will blow away all the hard times.

So Osama bin Laden and all you other no life terrorists out there: you can try all you want to try to intimidate me and to try to steal my joy away from my family, but you will do it all in vain. You will never succeed. You will die in a cave in the middle of nowhere as a sad and lonely man because you will realize that you lived a pathetic life.

So I have come to a conclusion. Never hesitate about bringing an innocent child into this world just because there are bad things in it. The good times that you have with your child are far more than the few rough times in life. And besides, there is a small chance that your child may grow up to defeat cancer and war and disease. Who knows?

Things I want to do with my boy when he’s born…

We’re not 100 percent positive that we’re having a boy, but the Chinese calender of gender prediction seems to be a pretty credible source, so I’m gonna go with it. If you want to take a look at the Chinese Lunar Calendar CLICK HERE. If not, go screw yourself. Just kidding!

****Just an update (6/30/2006) : The Chinese Lunar Calendar correctly predicted that Rachel and I were going to have a boy****

Anyways, assuming that we’re having a boy, I wanted to tell you a little bit about what I’m looking forward to doing with him because I’m getting excited.

First and foremost I’m looking forward to cutting the cord (yeah, that’s right, I’m not wimpy like some dads are). I know it sounds a little graphic, but hey, you used to have a cord. Somebody has to cut it, so it might as well be me.

Secondly I’m excited to finally hold him. It seems right now that he’s so far away, even though he’s obviously right there. You don’t know really what he looks like, you have no idea what his personality is like, and you have no clue what he’s doin’ in there. So right now, I’m getting sort of anxious to meet him.

I’m also looking forward to teaching him life. I want to make sure that he grows up to be a successful, happy young man. I don’t want him spendin’ 4 days in juvi like I did. Seriously, that’s no fun. Especially when you’re forced to play chess with a mexican and you lose on purpose for fear of getting beat to death. But back to my point, I just want the best for him. I want him to have the opportunity to be smart and to be great at whatever he wants to be.

Another thing I can’t wait to do is play video games with him. I know, I know… video games are sooo bad. They’re terrible for your brain and they’re terrible for your social life. I’m nearly a 4.0 student in college, so there goes the “you get dumb” argument. Oh, and, I just happen to date the most beautiful girl in the world… so there goes the “you lose your social life” argument. So in reality, video games actually make you smarter and they are a magnet for hot girls.

I know this one is a long ways out… but I’m looking forward to taking him fishing with me. It’s been a tradition in my family probably since the beginning of time. The first dad takes his son fishing and then that son takes his son fishing. It’s a never-ending cycle. The best part about fishing with him is going to be when he catches a monster walleye and I see his eyes light up. I remember being a kid, and catching a huge fish was next to the coolest thing in the world. The coolest thing in the world at that time was obviously joining a cult, but I never did that…. I swear. What?

I think the best part about having a new baby is that I get to be a kid again. I get to go to parks and play on the swings and slide down the slides. I also get to build massive, record breaking sand castles because I’m just competitive like that. Also, I get to go to gigglebee’s again! And instead of letting him play, I’ll just do what all dads do, “Let me give it a try”. (For those of you who are insane or are mentally incapacitated and don’t know what gigglebee’s is, it is an entertainment center for kids where you play games and get tickets and then you turn those tickets in for massive stuffed animals that you’ll just put in your closet anyways. It’s basically a ghetto version of Chuckee Cheese’s). So I think that will be a lot of fun… I’m looking forward to it.

I’m not sure what else I really want to do with him right now. That’s pretty much all I got. Leave a comment and let me know if there’s anything else I should be excited for when we have the baby.